You CAN Blog About Anything!!!

Dear Struggling Writers,

Blogging is the key to a successful writing career. 

Any agent who hasn’t been dropped by all his clients because they have moved to self-publishing e-books will tell you this is true. I am the author of 47 novels and 18 nonfictions and my advice for you is BLOG A LOT. Here are my key tips:

• Blogs must be focused on specific topics only. Because of this, every writer should have three or four blogs, all with different titles and themes.
• YOU MUST post every new blog entry on Facebook. Only an ill-witted cabbage would miss this opportunity to alert their Facebook friends, most of whom they barely know and haven't seen in years, about every idea that pops into your mind to blog about.
• I suggest you blog frequently about how you have a WIP (work in progress, in case you are new to this whole world of writing, you dear little pet. Don't worry, you'll soon get all the important lingo to make you feel you are part of the group). No matter how collapsed your WIP is, you should blog about it. Until you give up on it and move to another project. Then you begin blogging about the new project until it gets hard and you give up. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
• Your blog will die and no one will read you unless you give things away. Anything will do.
• Have cute labels and themes for different days of the week.
• USE EXCLAMATION MARKS in all your blog titles!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duh!
• Be funny.
• And charming.
• If you don't have a blog, you will never find an agent.
• Make sure you prominently follow the blog of Nathan Bransford, even if you don't know that he is not an agent anymore, because being an agent sucks. He quit to go work in computers, but that doesn't matter. Follow his blog carefully. Let everyone know of your affection for him. He is likely to quit his job and go back to being an agent just so that he can agent your unfinished WIP which he found out about on your all-important BLOG.

Dear writers, these are enough tips for today. Memorize them, and I shall return tomorrow to give you further instruction.

M. Guppy Tulkinghorn, author